Twisted Funny Poems

Twisted Funny Poem #1

Okay, I didn't admit to myself how macabre the first of the twisted funny poems is, until I saw the artist's illustration for it. 

odd garden

A Garden More Than Odd
Mary Merksam Maxim Dodd
has a garden more than odd.
She thinks it just a handsome treat
to grow a prickly row of feet.
The next row, shock, to your surprise
is tender shoots of long-lashed eyes.
It won't at all allay your fears
to see her row of hairy ears.
And right next to her prize won roses
is a row of sneezing noses.

She sprinkles antihistamine
and wipes the noses dry and clean.
Her favorite row, of few demands
is one made up of waving hands.
How does she tend her garden patch?
She enters quick, and draws the latch.
She feeds her "plants" some roast beef lean,
potatoes, mashed, and lima beans.
She grinds it with her handheld mixer,
makes a helpful "plant" elixir.

But I've often heard her gripe,
"What will I do, when they come ripe?"
As some will run off in the breeze,
and some will snap and some will sneeze.
But some will see her hopeful face,
and to her joy, will stay in place.

Poem by Denise Rodgers
Copyright©Denise Rodgers
Art by Julie Martin
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Twisted Funny Poem #2

It is kind of gruesome. . . but no more gruesome (to me) than when the roadrunner goes "splat."

wide mouth annabelle

Annabelle Cannabelle Stanislav Jones
Annabelle Cannabelle Stanislav Jones
spends all of her time simply chewing on bones
“I don’t much like veggies or salad or bread.
I’d rather eat roast meat or flank steak instead.”
But what of her meat bill? She hasn’t much money,
and brisket and beef are much dearer than honey.
“I don’t owe the butcher a single red cent.
The meat shop is not where my money is spent.”

And where are her father, her mother and sister?
“I don’t see them much, and I can’t say I’ve missed her.”
And where is her dog and her neighbor’s red cat?
Ann burped and said, “I don’t know about that?”
And so she just sits there and chews on her bones,
that Annabelle Cannabelle Stanislav Jones.

Poem by Denise Rodgers
Copyright©Denise Rodgers
Art by Julie Martin
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Twisted Funny Poem #3

The title character of the next twisted funny poem is twisted in a less gruesome way. 

Herbert Hillbert Hubert Snod

Herbert Hillbert Hubert Snod
Herbert Hillbert Hubert Snod
was known for eating all things odd.
The thing that bothered me the most
was he spread toothpaste on his toast.
“It’s springtime fresh, so cool and minty.”
His smiling eyes were bright and squinty.

On baked potatoes, he would slather
one half can of shave cream lather.
I don’t know how his tum could cope
as he ingested cubes of soap.
At times his food choice made a scene;
at least he kept his innards clean.

Poem by Denise Rodgers
Copyright©Denise Rodgers
Art by Julie Martin
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Twisted Funny Poem #4

The title character of the next of the twisted funny poems has a unique world view. 

Matthhew Brindle

Matthew Brindle, Upside Down
Matthew Brindle, bright and strong
has his ups and downs all wrong.
Walks around on his his two hands,
making very few demands.
Humble from his airborne toes
right down to his earthbound nose.
Works with head down on his seat.
In the air are his two feet.
Matt's boss said that he's no shirker,
is in fact, a model worker.
"Always thinks of something new . . .
I guess that's just his point of view."

Poem by Denise Rodgers
Copyright©Denise Rodgers
Art by Julie Martin
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Twisted Funny Poem #5

Take a trip to the dark side in the next twisted funny poem.

Monster Meat Stew


Monster-Meat Stew
Have you ever feasted on monster-meat stew
washed down with a large mug of Frankenstein's brew,
and served by a waitress, who cackles and chews,
with cheerful green skin and a large wart or two?

Have you ever chowed down on lizard-meat pie,
washed down with a pitcher of water run dry,
and served by a waiter with red-colored eye,
who trips on his pitchfork when he stumbles by?

Have you ever gobbled down buzzard au gratin?
It's best when the cheese that it's cooked with is rotten
and served by a warlock, who's better forgotten,
whose pointy wide ears are both stuffed with white cotton?

I've asked all my questions. Your answer's complete.
Yet, I am confused. Tell me, what do you eat?

Poem by Denise Rodgers
Copyright©Denise Rodgers
Art by Julie Martin
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Twisted Funny Poem #6

The next twisted funny poem was inspired by the  character named Pizza the Hut from the movie, Spaceballs. 


Melon Head
My best friend is a melon head,
and when it's time to snack instead
of munching on some cheese or toast,
his favorite snack he likes the most
is chunks of melon, piled on bread.
He gets the melon from his head.
I fear that it's become a drain
on his forever shrinking brain.

Poem by Denise Rodgers
Copyright©Denise Rodgers
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A Little Bit of Nonsense by Denise Rodgers

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