Funny Family Poems

Why do I write funny family poems? The reason I write them is that the material is right there in front of me. In my face. Under my nose. Between my eyes.

I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister, niece... and that's before we get to all my in-laws (they might deserve an entire page all to themselves!).

Families are the real deal. It's where we all live -- whether we live with our families or not. They are part of who we are.

And good news, all the funny family poems on this page are free! Read them. Share them - as long as they are for your own personal use and gift-giving. Please see our terms of use.

Funny Family Poem #1

The first funny family poem is about a boy and his parents. It's called "homesick" because the poem is actually a series of letters home from camp.

Dear Mom & Dad,
The bus seats were lumpy. The road was all bumpy.
The butterflies flap in my belly.
The campgrounds look dumpy and I’m feeling grumpy.
And something here’s awfully smelly.
Love, Jon

Dear Mom & Dad,
I bruised up my head when I flopped on my bed.
(There’s a long-legger up near the ceiling.)
My bunkmate’s named Fred. For lunch we had bread.
Gee, homesickness is a bad feeling.
Love, Jon
PS. Do I really have to stay here for two whole weeks?

Dear Mom & Dad,
Fred’s a bad swimmer, but I was a winner
At races. I won a brass medal.
I’ll teach Fred some floating. Tomorrow we’re boating
On boats with a bicycle pedal.
Love, Jon

Dear Mom & Dad,
It really is late, but I just couldn’t wait.
The campfire just lit up the night. 
I think I saw Mars. There are so many stars,
And each one’s a bright flash of light.
Love, Jon

Dear Mom & Dad,
I’ve so many friends. Too bad this will end.
The camp songs are stuck in my head.
I just can’t stop humming. Please, tell me I’m coming
Next year for a full month instead.
Love , Jon
PS. Can Fred sleep over next week?

by Denise Rodgers
Copyright© Denise Rodgers 
All Rights Reserved
Photo by Denise Rodgers

Funny Family Poem #2

The second funny poem is "My Sister's Room." It's a little bit about sibling rivalry and a lot about sisters.

My Sister's Room
I have plans for my sister’s room
Which I’ve renamed the den of doom,
While she is gone for three days (three!)
With plans to have more fun than me.

There’s ice cream for her pillowcase
(Nice and sticky for her face).
Rubber spiders for her sheets,
(A nice and soothing bed-time treat.)
I’ll read her journal — glue it shut,
And tell my mom it’s filled with smut.
I’ll stuff her shoes with pistachios,
Her posters I’ll mustachio.

Give me time, I’ll think of more.
What’s that? My sister locked her door!?!
I’m so angry I could bust.
It’s sad when sisters don’t have trust.

by Denise Rodgers
Copyright© Denise Rodgers 
All Rights Reserved
Photo by Denise Rodgers

Funny Family Poem #3

The next funny family poem was written in honor of my mother-in-law. She never was a baker, so there weren't any home-baked chocolate chip cookies around her house. However, she always more than made up for this by taking her grandsons (my sons) out for chocolate shakes. This funny family poem is on page 34 of my book, A Little Bit of Nonsense

My Gramma Can't Bake Cookies
My gramma can't bake cookies, and
she's not too good at cakes,
and every time she tries to, she
comes up with new mistakes.
She baked a batch of chocolate chips
and set the heat so high,
the cookies turned to charcoal slabs
that looked like her peach pie.

She tried to bake some cupcakes, but
she could not find a cup.
She tried to make pineapple cake,
and it turned right-side up.
Whenever Gramma frosts a cake,
it splits and kind of breaks.
Thank goodness Gramma likes to take
me out for chocolate shakes.

by Denise Rodgers
Copyright© Denise Rodgers 
A Little Bit of Nonsense

Funny Family Poem #4

The fourth funny family poem is about a grandpa. This one was made up entirely in my imagination. It is a very popular poem when I visit schools with a life-sized (fake) beard for a volunteer student to wear.

This family poem started with a "what if." What if grandpa stopped shaving every day? The answer goes way beyond the obvious, all the way to the absurd. This funny family poem is found on page 10 of my book, 
A Little Bit of Nonsense

Grandpa Used to Shave Each Day
Grandpa used to shave each day,
but now he's grown a beard.
It's long and scraggly, gray and white.
I think it's kind of weird.

It used to be a short goatee,
but Grandpa grew it longer.
He says it makes it kind of coarse
and also, much, much stronger.

My grandpa is a kindly man,
and tried his very best,
to say "no" to the robin who
flew in and built a nest
inside his beard, beneath his chin
and now it never fails
that Grandpa's beard is full of nest
and many screws and nails,
a tiny claw-head hammer and
a driver for his screws.
My grandpa's beard holds many tools
that he will never use.

Now Grandma's getting cranky, says
it's hard for her to sleep
with lumpy tools inside their bed
and all that cheep, cheep, cheep.
Besides the screws and nails and tools,
besides the nest and bores,
my grandpa's a sound sleeper with
a tendency to snore.

My grandma wants to strangle him,
but we know how to save her.
Tomorrow is his birthday, and
our dad bought him a shaver.

by Denise Rodgers
Copyright© Denise Rodgers 
A Little Bit of Nonsense All Rights Reserved
Art by Julie Martin

Funny Family Poem #5

The last funny family poem on this page was written for the pure joy of it. The true "Uncle Jack" that was the impetus or inspiration for this poem was my sister's former father-in-law who was, very obviously, one hairy dude! This example of funny family poetry is on page 5 of my book, 
A Little Bit of Nonsense.

My Uncle Jack
This poem is a tale about my Uncle Jack
who has hair on his legs, on his arms, on his back,
on his knees, on his hands, hair all over the place.
And if he didn't shave, he'd have hair on his face.

The only place lacking of hair is his head.
He has a white dome of smooth skin there instead.
He peels fresh bananas, and eats like Gozilla.
By no you have guessed . . . 
He's a piebald gorilla.

by Denise Rodgers
Copyright© Denise Rodgers 
A Little Bit of Nonsense
All Rights Reserved
Art by Julie Martin

Like they say in the ginsu commercials, "but wait, there's more!"

If you've enjoyed these funny family poems,
please return to my home page
for a selection of funny poems on other topics.

Or choose one of the following selections:

Funny Mother's Day Poems

Funny Father's Day Poems

Funny Anniversary Poems

Grandmother Poems

A Little Bit of Nonsense

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